Attachment behaviours contribute to our survival, socialisation and emotional development. Humans are highly dependent on the attuned caregiving of adults during development and when we encounter events that disrupt or undermine the security of our attachment our system has the capacity to get creative and adapt in ways that ensure our developmental needs are met. These challenging events might include circumstances impacting our family; separations; absence; or responses that are not tuned to the sensitivity of our unique nervous system.
Ruptures in attachment impact on emotional, social and cognitive development – these ruptures might be characterised as what happened that shouldn’t have; what didn’t happen that should have; and what happened in the wrong way or at the wrong time. These experiences can reveal themselves down the track in a variety of guises including:
In therapy we revisit, rewire, and repair historical attachment ruptures. Ensuring you now have adequate relational resources on board and sufficient compassion that your adult self no longer needs to perpetuate patterns that threaten relational security and good health.
Resources on Attachment and Relationships:
-
How Your Early Attachment Experiences Shape You by Dr Andreas Comninos
- The Challenge of Being Close by The School of Life (video)
Emotional Attunement – Permission to Feel
Emotions are a huge part of our human experience – they can be messy, inconvenient, confusing, vulnerable, powerful and joyous. They can scare us and leave us feeling out of control and too often we suppress, ignore, and distract ourselves from our emotions rather than tend to the messages they are trying to convey. When we are denied permission to feel, our health is compromised.
The best way through an intense emotional experience is to give ourselves permission to feel and process the emotion. It is not always easy and can bring up distress and discomfort – that is why we would often rather persist with avoidance.
Learning to proficiently feel and express your feelings offers greater harmony to your inner world. A better relationship with your emotions will also enhance the relationships you share with others in your outer world.
